Our weekly divorce lifestyle radio hour, Split Decisions, explores the adage “kids are resilient,” and offers commentary on building resiliency in children of divorce as a topic of the July 13th live show. The team at FORESTER PURCELL STOWELL PC prepared a few conversation-starter thoughts on the topic:


How can parenting plans cultivate resiliency in children?


MICHELLE STOWELLmichelle-stowell

If there are young children involved, you should have an item or a set of items that transfers between houses with the kids. This allows them to have a consistent item regardless of which home they’re at…No matter where they are, their safety item will be with them. According to mental health experts, allowing children to carry an item from home to home reassures children that they are safe wherever they are at and brings a little bit of home to a new location, which can help reduce anxiety about ‘new.’ Transitions between houses may go smoother as a result of their decreased anxiety level.


Jenny Bain 220 x 220 Website 386JENNY BAIN

A consistent parenting plan is one of the only guarantees a child can have through a dynamic and shifting divorce proceeding, and beyond. It shows them that just because their parents couldn’t make it work romantically, they can work together when it comes to the children, and that life isn’t over simply because their parents don’t reside together under one roof. There is no doubt that creating this consistency sets a precedent for how children should be taught to react to any life-changing event, many of which they will surely encounter in the future. They need to know that life goes on, and be given the tools to know that they can positively adapt.


matthew-purcellMATT PURCELL

While children generally thought to be resilient by nature, the divorce of their parents can certainly put that old adage to the test. It is common to find children of all ages acting out as a way of coping with the difficult situation.  Problems in school, social interactions with their peers and issues with family are all to be expected, to varying degrees. What parents must focus on is how they can help their kids through the process with as little negative impact as possible. But how? Communication. Make sure he kids know that no matter what, they are loved and supported by both parents. The kids are not to blame, and they will not be forgotten or have to struggle for attention from their parents. Ideally the parents would work together to keep similar routines and patterns at both households, and show the kids, through their adult interactions, that the kids don’t have to pick sides or feel guilty for loving both of their parents.


neil-foresterNEIL FORESTER

Can kids “bounce back” after a tough divorce process? In my experience, it truly depends on whether their parents/guardians see beyond their own narrow interests and build parenting plans that reflect the best interests of the child. But perhaps more importantly, parents must take control of their own lives, be resilient themselves. Children of divorce lose a sense of control and security; but seeing their own parents sane and moving forward can help kids do the same.




Based in Folsom, California, Forester Purcell Stowell PC can be reached at info@foresterpurcell.com or 916 293 4000. This information is general in nature and should not be construed as legal advice.

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